Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
