I feel like I'm in dance class right now
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
