totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
