Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
