i may or may not be watching the land before time
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
