Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
