sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
