i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize