I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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