Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
