But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
jump out the window naked night went bad
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