I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
