i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
