His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's blow job season.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
