Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
