now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize