Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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