WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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