420 ftw
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
