Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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