And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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