a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
