On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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