i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
