He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize