I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
