Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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