I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
