gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
