I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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