Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
