So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
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