i already hear my dad disowning me
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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