so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
