No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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