Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
