Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
