Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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