These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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