I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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