sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
