were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
