She even gives head with a lisp.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
