Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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