So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
