Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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