An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
