If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
