I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
