I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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