i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
