I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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