k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm like, not good at living.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
