oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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