its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
