I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
