In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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