thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
