Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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