So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
