I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
